Confession #4: I Hate the "Standard" Regenerations

Warning:

This site (specifically, this post) contains profanity.  If you can't handle that, turn back now.

When Nine regenerated into Ten, Rose looked on in consternation as all the energy of the Time Vortex streamed back out of him as a bright, shining light pouring from his arms and head.  It was dramatic, it was beautifully done, and it was appropriate.  So what the hell was going on when the same effect turned the Jacobi-Master into the Simms-Master?  He'd just been shot, for shit's sake - why would he get all glowy?

Former Head Writer/Executive Producer Russell T. Davies (commonly known as RTD) would have us believe that there needed to be a sense of continuity about the regeneration process, or new viewers wouldn't understand that it was the way all Timelords change their bodies whenever they near death.  Give me a fucking break.  Are we really so stupid we can't figure out that a body change is still a body change?  How does it make sense to have all regenerations the same, no matter the cause?  If a Timelord dies of a paper cut, should his regeneration cause him to stand up from where he's collapsed and shoot golden light out of every orifice?  Hardly.  That's clearly something else coming out of one of RTD's orifices, if you ask me.

Who knows what current head honcho Steven Moffat (aka The Grand Moff) will decide to do when it's time for Eleven to become Twelve, but I sincerely hope he gives fans a bit more credit in the mental capacity department.  He always challenges us to pay attention to little details in order to get to the heart of one of his twisted plots, so I'd like to think he'll be willing to throw this RTD-era relic of "standard" regenerations in the bin where it belongs.  I advocate the return of the Unique Regeneration - a process that is specific to the place, time, and method of the Doctor's (or other Timelord's) death.

Just look back at the history.  From One through Seven, we witness each Doctor undergo regeneration from a new cause of death, and each time it's a little different.  Check out the details to see what I mean:

One to Two - Apparent ill health / old age
          morph while collapsed
Two to Three - Decreed by Timelords
          off-screen; new Doctor stumbles from TARDIS
Three to Four* - Radiation poisoning
          K'anpo "kick starts" process, morph where collapsed
Four to Five - Fell from a height
          Watcher merged with Four, became Five
Five to Six - Spectrox toxemia; antidote given to Peri
          Hallucinations, morph where collapsed
Six to Seven* - Cranial(?) trauma when TARDIS hijacked
          morph when rolled over by a Tetrap
Seven to Eight - Cardiac surgery gone wrong
          morph on slab in morgue fridge
*These are regenerations I've only seen in snippets on YouTube, rather than in full episode context.

Compare these to the Nu-Who regenerations we've seen so far:

Nine to Ten - Absorbed all the energy of the Time Vortex
          standing morph; golden light of Time Vortex shooting from head, arms
Jacobi-Master to Simms-Master - Shot by companion Chan Tho
          standing morph; golden light shooting from head, arms
Ten to Ten Point Two* - Shot by Dalek
          standing morph; golden light shooting from head, arms
Ten to Eleven - Extreme radiation exposure
          standing morph; golden light shooting from head, arms
*Hardly counts as a regeneration; merely setting the stage for the Timelord-human metacrisis.

Does anybody else see anything wrong with this picture? Why is there no correlation between the manner of death and regeneration in Nu-Who?  Worse, why is there a brilliant connection in the first case, and nonsensical repetition ever after?  Once again, this feels like a case where RTD's fanboy'er-than-thou attitude has gotten the better of him. In the land of Russell Knows Best, Classic canon has been chucked out the window (let's not review the Doctor's purported age too closely in that light, shall we?) and RTD's poorly-thought-out vision inflicted on all of us.  Let's just hope the Grand Moff sees the not-shooting-golden light.

Maybe I'm being a bit hard on RTD (lord knows I'm not the only one); he did, after all, do a lot of things right, not the least of which is bringing the whole shebang back to our screens and introducing a whole new batch of people to Doctor Who (THANK YOU!).   But I'm sticking to my guns on this one.  Regeneration is as individual as death; every person experiences it differently, and as we are all well aware, every Doctor is a unique person.  Let's do them each the honor of allowing their final moments to be truly distinct.